According to Butler, “Impasse means that we need to change our whole approach to the problem. We need to change our understanding of the problem. We have to change our repertoire of ways in which we approach life challenges.”

In Getting Unstuck, Butler describes six phases in the “impasse process” and notes that progress through the stages is not linear but is a back and forth process. The first phase is the “arrival of a crisis” when we put our head down and keep doing what we’ve been doing. In phase two, we “realize that our old ways are not working.” Our “inner critic” becomes very vocal during this period.

In the third phase, we begin to examine the situation more carefully and honestly and in the fourth stage we become receptive to new kinds of information and “begin to appreciate complexity and metaphor in underlying themes.” The fifth stage takes some time and involves recognition of patterns in our life. Phase six occurs when we take action based on what we’ve learned in the previous stages and move forward.

“Feeling Stuck? Getting Past Impasse:” Q&A with Timothy Butler by Martha Lagace (April 25, 2007)
Harvard Business School Working Knowledge: A First Look at Faculty Research

Make someone happy

Think about the people in your life and the positive attributes you’ve observed. Most of us have no difficulty listing the positive characteristics of our friends and colleagues. But how often do we tell them?

I first tried this change-ability tip in a coaching program I was developing for recent graduates of university/training programs. I wanted a way to help people recognize their strengths and value. I came across a tool called the The Reflected Best Self Exercise at the University of Michigan Ross School of Business–Center for Positive Organization Scholarship. I modified this tool and developed an activity where my coaching clients ask people in their life (must be people they trust) to write down their strengths and positive attributes. I asked them to contact at least 10 individuals … colleagues, friends, family members, neighbours, etc.  Soliciting feedback from people in different areas of your life will produce interesting variations.

I always try exercises before I ask others to do them and found this an amazingly powerful tool! Some of the people I asked to give me feedback actually thanked me for providing an opportunity to tell me my strengths! Wow!

Try this exchange with people you feel comfortable to provide positive feedback only (most of us can handle digging up the negative stuff ourselves!). You can repay the favour. It might help you see strengths that surprise you. Also, be on the lookout for times in your life when this happens naturally. Last Christmas, a person I know wrote a wonderful note to accompany the jar of homemade jam she gave to me. I keep this note near and read it ofen… it continues to give me enormous pleasure and strength. Thanks, E.B.!

Never forget that we have the power to  make an incredible difference in people’s lives … as they can in ours. We just need to figure out how to make it happen. Let me know how this tip works for you.

Think of our life story as a book that we “write on the fly.” Every morning we get up and rattle off a few pages … maybe even a chapter some days. Then there are days when we feel tired or we struggle to make decisions about what to write because there are just too many options, or maybe we lack confidence to write “bigger”stories. Some days we write pages of our book in the way that other people think we should. We match the expectations of others. Too often we write pages with activities and events that match our own lowest expectations of ourselves. We are too afraid to dream and then to live into our dreams.

I was contemplating how we can “write” our life story today and tomorrow in a way that reflects our true nature, capabilities, and dreams. Then I began to think… wouldn’t it be interesting to think of our life story as a partially completed book that has gone missing from the library shelf. Or maybe you lent it to a friend and they dropped in the bath and tossed it. It’s a work in progress but the history–the history that we think the world judges us by… baggage that holds us back–is gone. All that remains is the movie version that we live one day at a time. The world sees only the day-to-day action without having expectations based on say … chapter two or five.

We know our experiences, history, dreams, and hopes. We know the events that made us strong and knowledgeable. We know the challenges that we survived and that have made us resilient. We don’t need to replay the unrealistic expectations from people in chapter one. They don’t have to play a leading role in chapter eight–or in today’s movie. Depending on the situation, this analogy has its limitations of course. Many of the experiences in our life story feel as though they are indelibly etched in our spirit. I think that the benefit of thinking about our lives in these terms is the reminder that we DO have choices, much of life is not written in stone. By drawing on parts of our story, we can reinforce our strength, courage, and commitment in order to create a “future story” that reflects who we are.

In my opinion, the benefit of the life story/movie analogy is recognizing the positives from our previous experience, combining them with the the important people and experiences of today, and recognizing our ability to shape our future. Our story gives us power.

As I was walking my dogs this morning I was contemplating the new year and the notion of New Year’s resolutions. I usually don’t “do” resolutions… having experienced too many years of not quite achieving my goal. But it occurred to me that I might like to try a “word” for 2008. I’ve heard that one of the tricks for achieving your resolution is to have just one. After thinking a bit longer, I decided that my word would be “courage.” At the end of each year, I feel like I could have achieved more if I’d had more courage–less fear of failing or of appearing foolish in the eyes of my peers.

A bit further along the dog walk, it occurred to me that other people might do New Year’s “words” (or “phrases”) too. Wouldn’t it be interesting to share ideas for implementing our “words?” People would commit to sharing their successful “word” experience at least once each week and hopefully more often. As they say in Appreciative Inquiry, the thing you focus on is the thing that grows. It’s true.

The FutureStory 2008 group would share ideas and stories … and, in fact, by collecting insights, achievements and surprises that unfold while focusing on our word/phrase over the next year, each of us could compile an anthology of stories relating to our “word of the year.” Our “word” would become a part of our lives in a way that it might not without such focus.

So … are you interested in choosing a “word” (or a phrase) and through mutual support and focused attention, making it one of your strengths by the end of 2008? If you’re interested in participating, email me at shelley[at]shourstonandassociates.com and I’ll send you instructions for signing up. I’ll set up an online community to facilitate discussion among people with the same “word” as well as the group at large. I’m also thinking that it would be interesting to have “success mentors”–people who have achieved success in some area of their life–to join us periodically to share their secrets for achieving their goals.

The cost? It’s free! [And it's an experiment.]

Let me know soon as I will probably have to close the group at a certain size. And please forward this invitation to people you think would be interested. I’m looking forward to hearing about how your New Year’s “word” appears in your daily life once you (and your FutureStory team) focus on it.

Happy New Year!

Career Kick Start for Recent or Soon-to-be Graduates Program
December 18, 2007 (Vancouver, BC)
In a five week one-on-one training program, story and communication facilitator Shelley Hourston guides recent or soon-to-be graduates through a process that highlights their strengths and expertise, significantly increasing their confidence. Participants develop a ‘portfolio’ or collection of stories demonstrating their experience and skills. They can then use these stories to communicate their strengths to potential employers. In the words of one participant: “Today’s interview was such a testament to our sessions! I used story examples to answer a lot of the questions and did not have any problems with the ‘big’ questions as I usually do.” Gift certificates for Career Kick Start for Recent Graduates are now available. [more]

Annette Simmons, author of numerous books, including The Story Factor, has a new title called Whoever Tells the Best Story Wins: How to Use Your Own Stories to Communicate with Power and Impact. In this book, Simmons provides a guide to developing personal stories to cover any scenario we are likely to encounter in our professional (and personal) lives, including: Who-I-am stories, Why-I-am-here stories, Teaching stories, Vision stories, Value-in-action stories, and I-know-what-you-are-thinking stories. Full of examples to illustrate her ideas, this book describes why story is so powerful and when and how to use stories successfully. If you are unsure of the value of story in communicating your character and expertise, this book will convince you. If you are already a believer, this book is a treasure and a lot of fun to read.

You can read more about Annette Simmons and her work at her website, Group Process Consulting.

Stanford psychologist and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck, highlights the importance of how we interpret our stories or our experiences. I believe that by developing a reflective approach that consciously explores our stories, we can capitalize on what Dweck calls a “growth mindset.”

Dweck writes about “the nature of change” at the Mindset website:
Whether they’re aware of it or not, all people keep a running account of what’s happening to them, what it means, and what they should do. In other words, our minds are constantly monitoring and interpreting. That’s just how we stay on track. But sometimes the interpretation process goes awry. Some people put more extreme interpretations on things that happen—and then react with exaggerated feelings of anxiety, depression, or anger. Or superiority.

People with a growth mindset are also constantly monitoring what’s going on, but their internal monologue is not about judging themselves and others in this way. Certainly they’re sensitive to positive and negative information, but they’re attuned to its implications for learning and constructive action: What can I learn from this? How can I improve? How can I help my partner do this better?

You can also read an excellent article about Dweck’s work in the March/April 2007 Stanford Magazine

Roger Carl Schank’s work originally focused on artificial intelligence (AI) and how computers could be programmed based on what we know about how human beings learn. Since then, he has shifted his focus from AI to human intelligence.

In the following quote from pages 84-85 of his book Tell Me a Story: Narrative and Intelligence (Evanston, IL: Northwestern University Press, 1995), Shank says:

It is all well and good to say that understanding means telling good stories and to say that we respond to stories with stories, but this leaves out a key question: How do we find the stories that we wish to tell? And from this question there follows another question: How does one know that one has a story to tell? The answer to both these questions is one word: indexing. [Music to a librarian's ears!]

No matter how the story of Artificial Intelligence is told, no matter whose point of view is adopted about how the mind works or how a computer mind might work, the problem always reduces to search. A mind must be able to find what it needs to find, and it must know that it has found it. To tell a story, you must have labeled it properly, stored it away with a name that will allow it to be found, possibly many years later, when some process calls its name. If there is no way to find a story, it might as well not exist. If it cannot be found by reference to its content rather than by reference to a number or unrevealing name, for example, then it might as well not be there.

How often do you think of a story about an experience in your past in
response to a conversation or event today? Sometimes we remember things that we haven’t thought of for years. Shank’s comments highlight the importance of preparing in advance the stories that illustrate our strengths and expertise. Walking into a job interview or meeting with a potential client HOPING that you’ll hear something that will spark a memory of a perfect story is VERY optimistic … and probably not very effective. If your goal is to convey your best self, don’t rely on your indexing system! Stress has a way of wreaking havoc on human indexing systems.

So what’s the answer? Have a collection of your stories ready to draw upon! Spend time identifying your strengths, attributes, and expertise
well before you ever meet someone who might be interested. This is an exercise that will take more than an hour at a cafe. Ask your colleagues and friends for their opinions–as difficult as that might be. It’s human nature to play down our strengths and knowledge.

Once you have a list of strengths and expertise, develop a portfolio
(written to start, but you’ll need to be able to recall them at will) of
stories–experiences that illustrate your skills in action–not a
shopping list of events. These should be interesting stories that
communicate your emotion and enthusiasm as well as your strengths. They need not be long and might be only a few sentences long. My favourites are the stories that can be used to convey a range of different strenghts or positives. In fact, I’ve been told that my use of a particular story more than once in a job interview indicated an ability to perceive different aspects of a situation [yes, I got the job].

When you’re preparing for an interview or meeting, knowing as much as possible about what the interviewer or client wants is key to being
prepared with your best stories.

Good luck! Let me know how it goes.