possibility…

Self-reflection is undoubtedly useful in moving forward through change but psychologists warn that too much can be counterproductive. “Few people realize how profoundly their lives are affected by their self-thoughts or how frequently this inner chatter interferes with their success, pollutes their personal relationships and undermines their happiness,” says psychologist Mark Leary.

Leary, author of The Curse of the Self traces what he calls “the curse of the self,” or self-reflection, back to its evolutionary roots. He argues that “the self” evolved to help us meet the challenges of living as prehistoric hunters and gatherers. At the time, the self was an outstanding evolutionary adaptation,” he says.  “For the first time, people could think consciously about themselves and their lives, allowing them to plan, act intentionally and solve problems better than any other creature on earth.”

What increased the chances for survival a million years ago can cause problems today. “When human beings first evolved the ability to be self-aware, they used it to plan only a few hours or days ahead,” Leary says. “Today, however, people spend much of their time thinking about things that may happen months or years from now.  As a result, many people are plagued with excessive worry about the future, worry that serves no useful purpose to them.”

“If the self had been installed with a mute button or off switch, the self would not be the curse to happiness that it often is,” Leary says.  “Learning to quiet the voice in one’s head is the first step.”

Leary’s tips for coping with the “curse of the self” include:

• meditation to reduce self-chatter
• “don’t believe everything you think”–develop a healthy sense of “ego-skepticism,” the understanding that one does not always have an accurate view of the world and should be skeptical of one’s own interpretations of events.
• practice self-compassion–be kind to yourself
• develop a “metapersonal identity”–”Rather than seeing yourself as an isolated individual struggling against the world, recognize the ways in which you are connected to other people and the world at large.”

Sources:
Wake Forest University press release
The Curse of the Self website