possibility…

Whether you’re negotiating dinner options with your partner or pitching a new idea at work, persuasion is an extremely valuable tool. Robert Cialdini, Regents’ Professor of Psychology at Arizona State University wrote about a commonly underutilized technique in The Language of Persuasion, a Harvard Management Update.

Cialdini describes the work of research psychologists in Texas who studied communication patterns of dating couples. Participating couples were asked to discuss an issue of contention where one person was trying to change the opinion or actions of the other.

The researchers observed three techniques:

1. the “coercive approach” which promised negative consequences for failing to agree
2. the “rational approach” which attempted to reason with the person to see the logical way to proceed and
3. the “relationship-raising approach” which Cialdini describes as a “breathtakingly simple and successful procedure.”

Techniques 1 and 2 were largely unsuccessful persuasion tactics, with the coercive approach actually increasing the gap between negotiators. Option 3, the relationship-raising approach moved partners significantly closer in their positions. When the persuader emphasizes the relationship by saying “You know, we’ve been together for a long time,” or “We see things from a similar perspective,” the other person is reminded of their common ground. Focusing on the personal connection makes the relationship the reason for change, not the persuader.

Cialdini continues by citing studies showing that seeking and discussing commonalities leads to stronger persuasive powers in the business world as well. This powerful approach to influencing others is neglected in favour of habitually focusing on our differences rather than our similarities.

The next time your story requires the art of persuasion, seek common ground… and let me know how it turns out.